I came to Church of the Resurrection in the summer of 2014 with a mountain of questions and more than a healthy dose of skepticism. I struggled with the concept of a personal God and with the reality of the resurrection. I craved an intellectual and empirical reason to believe. But most importantly I also had a mustard seed of faith that, frankly, scared and overwhelmed me.
That mustard seed of faith kept me coming back each week. Many new friends and the pastors at Rez met my questions with a welcoming combination of compassion and intellect. And eventually I saw that mustard seed for what it really was – the beginning of something bigger than myself – and I believed in Jesus.
My new faith grew over the years here. From Alpha and Transformation Intensive to many women’s retreats and my beloved RezGroup, the ministries and fellowship here have fed my soul. I learned how to read the Bible. I learned how to pray. I found friendships and love. I came face to face with Jesus. And simultaneously I grew my family.
And in this journey to grow our family, I also entered a new season in my faith. One that tested, stretched, and refined (and is still refining) me.
Over the last couple of years, I have endured waiting, loss, sickness, trauma, and depression in ways I never expected. I battled with idols. I experienced weakness in both body and mind. I faced the fact that I all too often rely on my own strength, power, and will. I often forgot to turn to God in the valleys, but He was merciful and grew my faith nonetheless. I came to see and trust that He was always there.
In the middle of this season, I was greatly blessed with the gift of new life. Our daughter, Madeline Faith, was born at home in late September of this year. Her middle name speaks directly to my deepening faith and the journey it took to get here, with her tiny body in my arms and endless praise on my lips.
And so it was my absolute joy on All Saints Sunday, when Maddie was 6 weeks old, to see her baptized into the family of God. Her eyes were closed as that holy water sprinkled into her dark hair, but she woke quickly and quietly as she received the blessing afterwards: “You are sealed as Christ’s own, forever.” That warm and holy water marked the true beginning to Maddie’s own journey of faith, and I will watch in wonder and gratitude as her faith grows with her.
Today, a tiny mustard seed hangs from my necklace, and Maddie’s head rests against it as I rock her to sleep. Despite the weariness of newborn life, I am in awe at God’s love and faithfulness.
Clare VanderWeele lives in Wheaton with her husband Mike and three children, Nick, Isaac, and Maddie. A writer at heart and a lover of words and books, she works as a CMO for a digital marketing agency.
Top photo by Michael Johnson
